My Son is 38 Years Old Today

How Did This Happen?

Bora Bora, Son and Mom yep this is us

One minute you’re breastfeeding and drowning in diapers.

The next you’re hearing, “I’m buying a plane ticket to Europe. I’ll be gone for 6 weeks,” said my 17-year old son.

People told me when he was a baby, “It goes fast!”

But I wasn’t sleeping or showering so I didn’t believe it. I was walking around in a daze holding a newborn.

And the shocking truth is yes having sex can produce a teenager.

So there I was a new mother. The true story of the home birth in my own bedroom without drugs, is in my first book, Everyday Naked, if you want to read it.

You might be interested in how to push a football out of a hole the size of a swizzle stick.

But back to having a 38 year-old son.

He’s older now than when I got pregnant at age 30.

And he’s taught me a lot since he arrived.

When you first have a baby you think you’re going to teach them everything.

But it turns out you’re doing the learning!

Suddenly reality hits you: I’m in charge of a human being 24/7 and it’s up to me to raise this one right, no get out of jail free cards.

This is it. Time to step up, throw your shoulders back, and pretend to be confident.

Yes I made mistakes. But I didn’t listen to the unasked for advice I got.

“Let him cry at night and don’t pick him up, he’ll learn how to stop crying.”

No he’ll learn no one gives a damn about his distress and he can fall asleep crying. In my worst moments of being human, falling asleep crying is pure hell.

No thank you.

“You’re spoiling him by putting him in all these summer camps” said mother-in-law who adamantly refused to spend time with him, living 15 minutes away.

She was busy playing tennis and getting manicures.

No he loves going to summer camps with his friends and thank God so many were available with art, acting, fun, and athletics. Worth the money!

“You’re not circumcising him, why?” Jewish mother-in-law was horrified.

Because snipping flesh off his privates would be painful.

“You have to get him on a sleep schedule,” said his pediatrician.

But he’s a night owl. He does his best work at night and still does at age 38.

So you can’t change their clocks.

But the thing is this.

You’re never ready to raise a baby to adulthood. But I’m happy I didn’t let that stop me.

Our financial house wasn’t in order when he was born but at least we didn’t owe any money. And we lived in the heart of Silicon Valley just as it was starting to boom.

So here’s what my son taught me.

He taught me how to travel the world by setting up volunteer projects and visiting countries without reliable electricity, potable water, or wifi. He opened my eyes in a way that drastically changed my life from working 12-hour days in my own photography business in Palo Alto to traveling the world.

This was my dream since being 5 years old; pedaling to the corner of our block solo in my orange metal fire truck.

I felt daring.

But I wondered, how do you start traveling the planet?

So reflecting on these 38 years of memories; this one stands out clearly.

Son was picking me up at the Kathmandu airport, the day I came to visit him from California, while he was volunteer teaching in Nepal.

Kathmandu is one of the most difficult airports to land in because the plane has to drop into a bowl of mountains with a short runway. So I was a bit frazzled.

But he was waiting for me in the arrivals hall wearing a white tee shirt in the middle of a Himalayan winter. He’d made friends with a guard who allowed him to stand in the security area closer to the gates because his mother was arriving and he took a shine to him.

And parents are honored in Nepal. This surprised me.

His smile when I saw him will flash before my eyes when I die.

I’d arrived in a new world and he was welcoming me. He’d been living there for several months teaching art. And he spoke Nepali now.

I was so proud. Hugs and kisses and then we drove to my hotel in a tuktuk. This was my first time seeing one.

The ride was bumpy because a tuktuk is a cab over a motorcycle and the roads in Nepal are pitted and pot-holed.

So I held on for dear life while my son showed me photos he‘d taken with the film camera I gave him before he left for Asia. And these photos were vivid as my eyeballs leaped around.

And I noticed the light was more sparkly up here in the high ethers of the Himalayas.

My hotel was a rustic former palace where the Beatles had stayed in their discover swamis and mysticism tour of India and Nepal, I discovered later.

Immediately being in Kathmandu felt like third rock from the sun.

New money, new people, unidentifiable food, dazzling bright clothing, new religions, even the air was different.

I was smitten with this new dimension.

So now I was seeing the transition of his childhood, into adulthood even though he was still only 18 and would turn 19 on our trip to India we took after traveling by local bus around Nepal.

But his bravery inspired my own.

I’d previously solo traveled to Spain and Italy for 3 weeks but this trip to visit him in Nepal and then to India with him was a wake up call to see my life from a new perspective.

The seed of change was planted in Nepal.

And a few years later I made the decision to sell 95% of my belongings and start my full time traveling life at age 50.

And now what I’m seeing about having a son who is 38 years old: you get to have a different relationship when the adult emerges from the child.

And I’m still learning how to navigate this new dimension.

But one thing is for sure.

We still want to spend time together. And sometimes I’m invited to travel with him or vice versa and he’s the most fun person to explore the world with so I’m grateful.

If I’d known how fun it would be to get older and have an adult son I would have done it sooner.

But now it’s good to be age 68 and still kicking ass. Living fully and not giving up on things important to me.

So in a way it’s a birthday for me too.

Because getting older and realizing we’re not making it out of this one alive is reassuring.

Traveling to Cambodia from Thailand with my Son

Why?

Because your time is more valuable than when you’re younger, when it stretched far out in front of you like an endless road of wonder and possibilities.

OK so now the road is shorter but each minute is more of a treasure and this is a fact.

So if you have a chance to travel with your children do it. Or if you’re child-free and wondering if you can travel solo, yes you can do it.

But you have to be super curious, enjoy your own company, and not be addicted to comfort and routines.

Experiment with your life. See what happens.

And one more thing my 38 year-old son taught me.

You don’t have to live life like everyone else does or settle into complacency.

Yes it isn’t easy or fast. It’s most often slow and challenging.

But you can do it if you change the way you think about it.

Have you been hit by a life wallop or milestone happening where your life turned upside down?

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Do you want to change your life and travel the world?

Enquiries: mary@bartnikowski.com

Book a one on one consultation with me on how to do it.

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